Tiny things that make me happy

As I was driving into the touch and go only toll today, this car in front of me stopped, tapped his card on the machine. Expecting him to leave already, I slowly release my brake. However this car wasn't moving, I caught an eye on the screen and saw the word kurang. 

I realized then, his card doesn't have enough credit. He panicked, wanted to reversed but cars was pilling up behind of me. Guard realized, walked backwards asking cars to make way for this poor blue myvi. As usual, people got impatient, start honking, loudly and rapidly. 

I was second in line, first instincts was to wait obviously then I realize it was almost impossible to reverse with cars coming at light speed and stubborn car owners behind of me. I asked my friend who was at the passenger side, should I tap my card for him since it was a one way toll thing. She checked was I sure and as I was leaving the car, she told me to be careful. 

I tapped, the driver drove past the toll and stopped. He wanted to pay me back, so I waved my hand and said it was okay and me and my friend left. Business was as usual. 

As we drove past the poor guy, my friend said aren't you afraid, he was of another race and was quite scary looking. I said no, he was just a helpless guy like I was long time ago. She praise me of my bravery and kindness but I told her this was to repay a man's generosity years ago. 

It was probably almost two years ago, I was horrible at direction and couldn't make much of roads and routes. It was dark and raining slightly, I was driving alone according to waze, a route that was supposed to be quicker and have lesser jam. I didn't know the route at all. I followed it diligently till my data failed on me, I panicked and drove based on my instinct and I got lost. 

I was driving back to seremban from my office, I drove past cheras and was supposed to follow this kampung route, which I had no knowledge of. I reached a toll, I paid the toll, I drove further till I reach another toll and did the same thing again. I panicked and u turn a few times to find I kept going towards these tolls. 

As I was driving into another toll, a touch and go only toll to be exact, I couldn't find my touch and go, I thought did I drop it when I tapped on it before or could I just lost it. The same thing happened to that guy today happened to me that night. I was lost and helpless. 

A car stopped behind me, I was frantically trying to solve this mystery when someone walked past my car and reached my door side. I got the shock of my life. This mid 40 friendly looking uncle was tapping his card for me while smiling. I was so freaking touched that I wanted to hug him out of gratitude but Malaysian being Malaysian, I kept my door shut and waved and thanked him and left. 

He was the same race as the guy just now. I think it was my time to repay the uncle who helped me. I really think this is meant to be and I was meant to help him. 

Tiny things to make me happy. 

I've started writing down things that make me happy. Haha it's fun when you realize you're actually very easily pleased. Just do not step on my tails. Haha. I'm recording this down. 

#1 people acknowledged or thanked me when I hold the lift for them

Till next time. 

母亲节 快乐

是不是 只有在生病的时候会想念家

生病了 才装不了坚强

生病了 才可以表现软弱

生病了 才会变成那曾经脆弱的小孩

我自认是个健康的人 

不常生病 也不让自己生病

那天 放工回家 觉得有点发烧

就灌水 睡了至少十个小时

第二天 好了 在外跑了一整天 

结果在母亲节晚餐 身体开始热 头开始痛

在勉强吃完晚餐后 必须提早离开

在看见妈妈的瞬间 我好像变回那啥也不懂的她女儿

要她照顾 要她操心 

最后一次 应该是一年半前 我做手术的那一次

我永远不会忘记她那顾虑的眼睛 

看着正在忍痛装没事的我 

同事们都说我很勇敢 因为我是一个人住院的

我的家庭就是这样 要我们独立 

在目送妈妈疲惫的身体回家后

一个人 在病床上 滚了整晚 

睡不着 因为发炎 发烧了 

昨晚 我也是一样 

翻滚了一晚上 睡不着 身体热的可以煮蛋

不一样的是 起来后 

妈妈不在 没有爱心粥 没有淡而无味的米粉汤

只有一房间的寂寞

她在晚餐看见我那通红的面后 

第二天 信息来了 问我好了吗

我变回那倔强的我 说好了

原来 别人说的 在外 不想让父母担心 

是这样的心理 

烧退了 也呕了 肚子也不痛了

可是 更想念妈妈了 

我们家人不太会表达 

不会在面前讲

可是 想在这里

 祝我的妈妈 母亲节快乐  ❤️

3am rambling

One week ago, I spent 8 days abroad, in a foreign country. I had limited access to wifi, hence less connection to the world. I had a great time there exploring new experience and trying new adventure despite a few family drama in between, I fully enjoyed my 8 days away from reality. 

Two weeks ago, i left behind all my loneliness, my sorrow and my dilemma at where it belongs, untouched, undiscovered. I flew with my heart open, at ease for once, after months of struggling to find answers.

My younger brother suggested to do something meaningful during our 8 hours flight that may make us a better person, a rounder one as he claimed. I agreed, I set my mind to make a decision for my future, for my life. What we did was saddening though, we gambled through the flight and did nothing meaningful at all. That was also the last time my problem cross my mind. 

That 8 days pass in a bliss and there I was standing at the waiting area after another exhausting 8 hours flight back that we spent attempting to sleep. That heat in Malaysia, that familiar scene marks the end of my holiday. I was ushered through the weekends that week, I spent my Saturday with my university friends who came to seremban for a visit and Sunday was spent at home where I rejuvenate  myself after the trip. 

Then Monday came. I dread to go back to work that Monday, I knew I have no reason to skip but for once, I really wanted to. If you know me, that says a lot. I am that person in primary school that no matter how late we were or how much I hated school, I would still go to school. Along the week, that fear, that loneliness, that so familiar feeling came hunting for me. I knew this was it, I knew I had to overcome it. I knew it is finally time to make a decision. 

Was I able to figure out what was on my mind? Reluctantly, I knew what was needed to be solve but never had the initiative to. 

There's a lot on my mind now. And since its 3:33am now and I should probably get some sleep before I need to face reality again. 

Life goes on. 

2015 resolution

While I was walking to the office parking tonight after an exhausting day looking for a mistake my colleague constantly do to screw up my day, I was looking at the lobby after coming down from 29th floor. After working for this bank for close to a year and a half and being in this building for the past year, I have never examine the logo properly nor look at the lobby thoroughly. I was always passing by this lobby, the one I was walking by to get to the parking tonight, then I realize I have never even sat on that sofa along the lobby, I have never look at the fountain located outside of the automatic door. I was thinking to myself at that very moment that I will, one day be leaving this place, I should savior this moment right there. 

It hit me then, that I was always reliving moments through my memories that I admittedly forget because of my horrible memory. I realize I have never really live at that moment itself. I always miss a lot of things in life, in my history of soon to be 24 years of life, but at that moment, I always hope that time will pass faster so I could live a better life. When I was still a student, I wanted time to fly by, so I could earn my own money and start living the life I wanted and not what life constraint me of. When I am who I am now, earning my own money and living a life dreamt of little teenager me, I miss being that carefree self when I was still a student. At that moment, I realize that I have never live my life at its moment. 

I scratch all my resolution I set to myself late last year. This year, there's only one resolution I would like to achieve and I believe it's an important one. 

'To live life at its moment. '

I would love to savior that sense of achievement when I accomplished something. I would love to laugh out loud when something tiny or dumb makes me happy. I would love to cry as hard as I want when something is not going my way or simply because I was depressed. I would love to sing as if the world was under my feet. I would love to dance as if no one is watching. I would love to be alone and feel lonely without anyone judging me. I would love to speak as I want to and not filter what I want to say just because other people cannot accept the truth. I would love to love everyone in my life the way they are. I would love to appreciate what I have and own In life, whether it was from self effort or with someone's help. I would love to......

 I would love to smile because I wanted to and because I love that very moment in my life.

Note: feeling a little emotional on a night like this at 1am on a Monday night. Was talking to my colleague before I left. He told me he went and see a doctor for his lack of sleep. He said he scared he will collapsed if he doesn't get any sleep soon. One night, he told me that he slept for 3 hours the entire day because of noise outside of his apartment and he simply couldn't fell asleep. What I thought was the best choice to myself is now becoming a burden to someone else. I did a selfish choice one month ago to quit night desk entirely because my mind and body was rejecting me and I felt depressed at all time. He and another guy in the end took extra shift because of my decision. When he told me that, I felt my heart scattered to a million pieces. He doesn't blame me but I felt really bad for him. I wanted to hug him and said I was sorry and  will take every single shift of his so he could just close his eyes and sleep deeply for 8 hours. And I will. I promise I will. ☺️

我怎么了

What happen to me?

I wasn't like this. I am not this vulnerable. After got scolded by a client twice, I broke down. I broke into tears while I was still on phone with him. 

I didn't feel like it was my fault, because if it was, I would have feel guilty and apologize to him. It really wasn't my fault to be honest. 

A background explanation: Client is not our desk client, he's remisier client. He complains countless time about the night desker us being slow and inefficient. When he is angry, he nags, repeating his own words constantly. We only earn 40% of his brokerage which is very low and he is not a high volume trader. 

The first time he complain about me was when I missed his call when I went to toilet. I said I was sorry. Yet he still complain to my manager. He said we should have expect calls from him when he is trading actively. (Note: his active is call every 20mins or so) He ask me to call him if I was to go to toilet. I did after that, I call him before and after I go to toilet. I once avoid drinking water and waited till 4am to go toilet just because he was trading.  

The second time, it was my fault, I was on night desk the week before and feel very  lethargic and blur. I told him something and he got panic and make a whole scene about it the whole night, complaining to the remisier which in turn called to scold me. I apologize constantly to him. I got 2/3 calls from him to nag on my stupidness. 

The third time, I was always nervous taking his calls now because of past history. I made a mistake. He goes on and on about it. It was my first error in 11 months. I had a really good year, I did good this year. I learn my mistake and I never repeat them. He make me broke it. 

Today, this is the fourth time. This time, it honestly wasn't my fault. It was our procedure to repeat order. He said I was slow and the order didn't got done. He nag for at least half and hour and call again 5minutes later to nag on my inability and inefficiency. I tried to explain to him its our procedure to do so and he stop me whenever I want to. When I eventually did, he didn't listen to it and keep saying his point of view.

He make me vulnerable. 

I cried. 

When I get angry, somehow my tears flow. I wept for a good 20 minutes after he put down the phone. I cried so hard that my eyes turn red. I dun know why was I crying tho but my tears kept flowing. 

For the entire 1 year and 3 months that I have been working here, no one ever complain about me, yes when I did an mistake but never because of my inability. After I got my licence in Oct'13, I did insanely lots of mistake in my first 2/3 months and I promise myself I will never do the same mistake again and I didn't. I learned and I adapted. I did my best not to make any mistake and succeeded for 11 months. He broke it. He is the first client that actually make me cry.

He called again while I was writing this. I think he felt bad cause I was crying and told him I am going to quit night desk. He thought it was because of him, it partly was but a huge part was because it drains me, my energy and my concentration. I felt lifeless and sad all the time. To be honest, I wept harder after finally calm myself down an hour ago. I haven't cry this bad since ever. 

Maybe it is not him. Maybe its me. Maybe its because I knew I didn't want this job in the first place. I endure it best as I could. All new joiners have the same thinking as me, we plan to leave next year, all 4 of us. We try our best, we did our best. Whatever the boss doesn't want to do, he gave it to us. Night desk, working odd hours, coming at 7am on Monday, working on public holiday, going to events etc. Whatever it is troublesome, we were the ones who got the job. We did not complain. We do as instructed. 

It has been a horrible few months for me. I started night desk because I was hired to do so. I did it, not because of the extra allowance but because of the sense of responsibility in me. I did odd hours. I did the schedule. I work on public holidays. I did the CSV file that everyone hates. What did I get in the end? I became the middle person of the boss and night desker. The boss doesn't inform night desker of the decision he made. He make me the bad guy, he make me evil. I had to break the news to them and hurt their feelings. I had to find excuses to make them feel better just because the boss doesn't have the guts to. 

Maybe the hard crying was because of stress. Or maybe because I endure too much office politics. I love each and every one of my colleague whole hardheartedly. They are an awesome bunch. They are also one of the reason why I didn't resign at my first 3 months. I doesn't like seeing them fight. 

This is getting too long. 

Don't worry guys,

I am fine. 

I feel a lot better after crying.

I just need to get this out of my system and I'll be fine. 

:)

Driving

Driving behavior says a lot about a person

It reflects greatly a person's personality. 

Colleague refer me as a racer

I refer myself as an impatient and impulsive driver

which very much imply who I am in person

My colleague drive like a fearless tiger 

which he is, fearless, stubborn and outspoken 

A friend who drive according to every speed limit

In person, she's a very careful, cautious and by the law kind of person

Another friend who just started driving

was very cautious and nervous

this shows her insecurities and lack of confidence

Its kind of fun to guess a person's personality through their driving behavior. Most people drive very calmly and safe, this too say a lot about them actually. It reflects stability in life and unadventurous. People who drive impulsively are looking for excitement in life. You may or may not agree with me but this is what i see through my everyday driving here.   

Try observing people around you.

Its interesting, really. 

梦

这一阵子 睡得很不好

除了 睡眠时间关系 还有床与枕头关系

最严重的就是 发梦

梦

太真实了

真实和梦变得很模糊

有时觉得自己徘徊在真实与虚拟的边界

现实时 以为自己在发梦

梦里 以为自己在现实

梦到的东西 误以为现实发生过

梦里出现了很多人

熟人 认识的人 不熟的人 陌生人

发生了很多奇怪事

不是一天两天的事

我是每一天都发梦

有好几次

起身时 很害怕

虽然不记得梦了些什么

可是 我记得起身时 很怕 很恐惧

很多时候 我已不记得梦了些什么

可是 我每天起来时 总比没睡来的累

日复一日 觉得自己真的很疲倦

年尾了 又想放自己一个假

到处走走 好好休息

累

夜班

这两个星期 都在日夜颠倒

晚上十点上班 早上八点回家

回到家 房是亮的

天气是热的

每天差不多三点就会被热醒

睡眠质量 严重受损

虽然瘦了 白了

可是 健康也变不好了

那天 发现自己近视

眼睛经常很累 很重

眼袋开始出现了

胃口也变不好

整个人 常不在状况

心不在焉 有点暴躁

下个星期 终于恢复有点正常的时间

希望 真的能帮自己适应回

变得健康一点吧

乱七八糟

“每个人 

都在等一个人”

不好意思 这两个礼拜我会不断更新 因为夜班真的没事情做

刚才 花了一点时间

大概读了九把刀的 等一个人的咖啡

电影要上了

因为他前一部 备受好评

所以很多人很期待这部电影

我刚巧没事做 就去找了那本书来读读

读了以后

还真想看那部电影

我不多说 不想透漏太多

可是 就很典型爱情小说

可是很让我心动

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

夜深人静 我又再次走到了

那个前几个星期 让我十分emo仰望着的窗口

背后还是传来忧伤的歌声

有点害怕要换一个环境

过两天 要搬家了

搬进一个什么都没有的家

我知道我不应该后悔我的选择

我自己知道那房间真的不好

今天 去坐了一下

发现它在大马路旁

车飞驰的杂音

小狗的叫声

让我真的很害怕

我现在的睡眠质量已经很不好了

如果搬了以后

应该不用睡了

地点也比我以前的家离公司远

附近 也没有能走去打包的餐厅

LRT也不是离家很靠近

那你问

我为什么要租那里呢

因为

我 desperate了

要求太高 一直选择

做不了决定

一向以来 都是我的弱点

答应自己

两个月后就搬

可是自己开始厌倦要找要看房间的麻烦

我也害怕后天要跟我现在的屋主吵架

她一定跟我扣我deposit的钱

我很累 很懒得要与她吵 

能不能 就这样结束

除了害怕这环境的改变

我也担心我的钱

因deposit要呕出多余的钱

因为房间是空的

我还要为了那住不久的房间添一点家私

这乱七八糟的心情

过了这星期 应该会平复了

加油！

灾

我相信

小灾能挡大灾

我的车

一年了

身上却有了三个模模糊糊的痕迹

第一次

车停在我家附近

那时 我还是搭巴士去做工的

有一天 在走去巴士站的时候

看见了 那第一个痕迹

我的车的右边 凹了个小洞

不明显 我却很心痛

不知道 谁干的

所以也追究不了

第二次

在tbs parking 

上完旋转式的停车场

前面的车突然停了下来

我也停了

突然 它向后退了

我honk了他

可是它已经撞了到我的车

前面的右边凹了

车主很好人

叫我去他侄子车厂弄

结果 人力把那凹处推了出来

姐姐男友说不值得换整个bumper就算了

饶了那位uncle

那是 第二个痕迹

第三次

在下雨的cyberjaya夜晚

路上没什么车

我前面的车在一个bumper前

突然刹车 

我没看见

努力踩了刹车

还是撞上它了

它车凹了 我车也凹了

它不追究 我也不理会了

前面正中间car plate 凹进去了

那是第三个痕迹

第二个和第三个痕迹

都是在同一月发生的

我真心觉得自己很倒霉

也很心疼我车

电脑弄了没到半年

又出现了要生病的征兆

写这个

是为了buang sui

要好好的 把霉运赶走

我真心觉得我这三小灾

是挡了一个大灾血灾

我懂 我明白

所以 现在可以走走些好运了吧

保佑我 

我只想健健康康而已

心情不好篇

心情很不好

对不起 身边的人

如果我对你有些发脾气 有些不耐烦 有些严肃

请你原谅我

这全是因为

荷尔蒙失调

还有 睡眠受到严重影响

所以最近不爱笑 不爱说话

最近 有许多事需要处理

工作 满一年了

这也代表很多东西 也过期了 

最近 忙着找房间

原来找一间自己完全满意的房间这么难

要不是价钱不对 就是房间是空的

最近 在弄我车的保险

刚才不小心对我家妈妈发了一点脾气

不好意思 

最近 也需要renew我的工作执照

一年了

时间过得真快

感到莫名的落寞

好吧 我去emo去了

拜

Lost

If you are wondering why I  wrote in English, its because I'm blogging with my office's computer. And I have started my night desk for 2 weeks now. This is how I feel:

I'm feeling lost. 

Not because of night desk alone, but in general my job. 

I got a little emotional when we (me and the rest of the night desker)  got cheated by the higher rank. They have always said but never any action, never any confirmation. We are young, we are not married, we are very flexi with any decision. And they exploit us of our rights, made use of us. We were really upset with their attitude, the way they handle stuff. 

A colleague told me he rejected his job offer because we got to claim extra money. Now that they refuses our rights just because he didnt check the proper paperwork, we might not get what we deserves. We worked as hard as they are, worked even longer hours than they. They even took our public holiday away. But in return we got sarcasm and ignorance. 

While I was standing by the window one night overlooking the pretty KL skyline from 29th floor, with classic oldies played in the background, this hush of emotion attacked me. I was feeling kind of emo, something was upsetting me. It was a mixed feelings of anger and anxious, I have no idea what am I doing, where lies my future. It got me thinking. Thinking of my job, of my future, of me. I know for sure, this job is not my forte. I will leave. So I set a dateline, I set a  life draft and hopefully when times come, I will find my way. 

Its a emo kinda night. 

:/

Sharing the love

I've wanting to write about this for a while but never had the mood to do so. 

As we step into the second half of the year, I find myself thinking of the resolution I made earlier this year. I didn't wrote down my resolution this year as I want to change as time goes by. I didn't want to constraint myself. One resolution in particular stand out as it involve other people and not only changes in myself. 

Last year when I was having a very difficult time financially, I found myself at a verge of being broke. I have never ask for any extra money that period of the time from my parents because I know they were in a worst position than I was, at least I did have my ptptn money with me. 

I blog about it in my personal blog which was deleted a while ago. Two friends, read it and approach me offering me money. Both of them are not well off, nor were they making a lot of money at that time. But both of them offer to borrow me money and pay them back later. I rejected as I knew I was able to live by without starving but with a very minimum amount of money. 

That very action explains my resolution actually. Often, we forgets the kindness of our friends, how they were willing to sacrifice a little part of them for us. 

For the whole year of 2014, I wanted to repay my friends who treated me like a friend. I wanted to be a little more caring. And that was why I started my little project of mine of buying them a meal. A whole lot of them started questioning my intention at first, some easily accepted my reason, some shrug it off like I was crazy. But in the end, I did pay the bill. 

So far, I have succeed buying 7 friends a meal. The food itself had no meaning, the gathering behind that meal is. My condition of my project is that it must be only 2 person so we had time to talk and catch up. I like the idea of sharing thought together and just talk. 

6 months left, if you want to catch a meal with me, please don't hesitate to call me. I would be more than happy to belanja you. 

PS: Please do not ask me out on month end. Haha 

歌

请按下面的youtube听

 一边读一边听

也不知道从何时开始

习惯了 做什么事 都有背景音乐

想当年 电脑还没fomat前

电脑里有上千，可能还上万首歌

不同年代 不同语言 不同类型

可是听了 特别舒服

可能 一个人太久了

所以 有时候也盼望有声音陪我

以前读书时

考试前一天读书还是会开歌读

收拾房间 打扫房间 

发呆 无聊 烦恼 伤心 愤怒 开心 兴奋

也会听歌 

毕业以后 好久没有像今晚一样

啥也不做 就听着歌 

烦恼好像不见了

疲劳也消失了

:D

旅行

喜欢旅行

喜欢Explore

喜欢看见不一样的东西 

喜欢尝试不一样的事情

喜欢在陌生的地方做陌生的事情遇见陌生的人

身边有许多朋友同事一辈子没去哪里旅行过

而我很幸运地 虽然没去过很多地方 

可是也去了不少地方

也爱上了旅行

隔壁的同事告诉我

他去旅行一定跟团 因为一切很陌生

很多人很害怕这种不安感

而我 却很喜欢那种感觉

老板很爱告诉我们

这世界很大

不只是在马来西亚而已

叫我们放远点看

其实这世界真的很大

就算我这辈子去不了环游世界

也想尽力努力看看这世界

朋友们

走吧！

一起旅行去！

 Bangkok - Checked :D

憎恨

同事跟我说了一件让她十分气的事情

说有位同事自己做错的事赖在我身上

那位同事很帮我打不平

因为公司所有人都知道是他的错

好吃懒做 大男人 不认错 

他却好像什么事都没有一般

我已练到不再在意这些事了

从前的我 会很讨厌他

甚至会boycott他

不跟他说话 把他当隐形人

从前我讨厌的人真的很多

大学最后一年花了很长的时间在房间在思考 

思考人生

哈哈

也想通了许多事

发现 讨厌别人真的对自己没好处

在别人背后说别人坏话也很多余 

从前在大学惹了一个人 也惹了一堆人

很不喜欢她 

开始是不喜欢她做事的态度 然后到她的性格 再来品行

而她也察觉了 也在别人前说我的坏话

最后传到我耳里 

我当然生气也伤心

可是 到最后想想 自己也有错

我不能幼稚的用一样的方式对付

所以我选择了沉默

有个mutual friend知道了以后

问我为什么不回复？

因她是公开式的让大家知道

我大可以anoymously回应

当然我没有

我只是觉得没必要

很久以后 在一个聚会遇到她

她还是没改变

还说一句让我十分震惊的话 

她说

“好久没有讲别人坏话了 感觉真好”

顿时，自己觉得

 当初的决定是对的 

远离 才会让我拥有正能量

从前的我很寡言

如果遇到什么不愉快的

我不会告诉那个人 

现在 不再那么傻了

那位同事说我很勇敢 

只因为我很坦白的告诉那位很懒的同事

他的错 他的懒惰 他的态度

 他只是一笑而过 

我知道他是对我有偏见了

可是 我不后悔 因为至少我让他知道了

我不想再犯同一个错

沉默带来的误会 

误会带来的憎恨

憎恨带来的不悦 

 这很不健康

我选择活得自在一点

真心希望他能反省

Ps：  大男人的男人真的不能要

 

母亲

朋友们都知道我是个不孝女 

我也承认

不爱回家 

爱顶嘴

不孝顺 

常说她偏心

总批评她 

可是我不允许 

别人对她不好 

女人啊

一辈子给了老公 

而最后得到的是什么 

平时对她也不好了 

不理不睬 不关心 不心疼 

生病了 

不但没有安慰的话 

粥也不煮给她

晚餐解决了自己的 就算 

把厨房弄得乱七八糟

Expect 她帮他收拾 

家里没水了 也不去煲水 

我每次都说她是个傻女人 

她总是默默的看着我 不回答

因为她也知道 她是 

一辈子 为了他

辛苦了 一辈子 

所有 辛苦事自己杠

 到底为了什么 

总不 让我对她好 

请她吃饭 说害怕他没饭吃

买东西给她 总不可奈何收下 

母亲节要到了

给予 

那位每天把孩子老公摆第一

那位每天担心我没吃饭

那位每天担心我不够钱

那位总把我养肥

那位总是很听话帮我办大小事

那位每天被我骂又不生气

 那位比自己更心疼自己 

的

Mama Tham

最真诚的

母亲节快乐 

Happy Mother's Day!

<3

你永远是最伟大的 

 

Helllooooo

有多久没在这乱画了
有多久没有用电脑上网了

哈咯 

电终于出院了

健康的回来了 

这段期间 

有许多 想分享 

却因电脑故障而停止了 

不知道 我这份热情会持续多久 

可是 我就尽量吧 

停笔太久 

 有点生锈了 

更新一下自己近况吧

工作  还好

生活 不错 

金钱 还可以

感情 零

就这样 

 :)

 

想

其实有好多想分享

可是电脑闹脾气

寿命没到 可是却病倒了

医药费有点贵

所以还未带它去治疗

1.

不知道什么时候开始 

身边的人

从随时可以见面到现在

我变成了 第二选择

怎么说呢

从前从前 只要想见 就会见

想出就出

现在 会因为有了男友或女友

要对方不得空 才会想到我

有时候 真的很无奈

这亲情 很廉价

2. 

是的

我是一个 party pooper

我不爱喝酒

我不爱

可是我还是会喝 

因为我从小看到酒会让人变另一个样

变得多么愚蠢 多么凄凉 多么堕落

我讨厌酒后发疯的人

我很讨厌

适量是没问题

如果只为了醉而喝 就没意思

身边太多太多酒鬼

我想当那个清醒的那位

3.  

除了平静的乡下

发现自己渐渐爱上了城市的喧哗

放工时分

走在那人来人往又拥挤的KL sentral

站在拥挤的巴士裡

走在车来车往的天桥

听着车飞驰的声音

看着人们的忙碌

很有快感

原来

除了安静

自己也爱 吵闹

改变

2013年

对于我来说 

是 改变

年头 改变了我对于钱的概念

情况不允许 让我开始了长达一年多的省钱宅女生活

年中 改变了我二十二年来的学生身份

幼儿园 小学 中学 大学 

摆脱了 学生这个身份 

 踏入了 无业游民生活

 

 年尾 才开始了我33年的做工生涯

正式开始我的打工族身份

改变 

自己也开始慢慢开始改变

因年头 在家里宅了这么久

开始慢慢思考

发现了许多自己想要改变的个性

从我有能力以来

我已在慢慢地改变

其中几样是

要多与别人沟通 不再自闭

要做个体贴的人

要报答别人对我的恩惠

讲话要经过大脑

要做个开心的人

2013年

是一个很不错的一年

因为它让我看清自己与他人

虽然遇到很多不开心的

可是开心的也不少

12月

是我放纵的一个月

我让自己花超过预算的钱

我实现了自己想要的一个人旅行 

我去找了想要看见的朋友

我与朋友们去了我们的annual trip

我跑去看了自己想看的KL 夜景

我很努力与同事联络感情

我也很努力血拼

2014年

我期望它会是更好的一年

我希望能够事事顺利

我盼望自己会很开心

写完了

好期待开始新的一年

:)